Facebook Shenanigans - Part 1

It is the first Friday of 2015 and the last weekend of the Christmas holidays (Can someone please tell me how the holidays went by so quickly?) Come next week most people will go back to school, work and normal everyday lives. Naturally most people will be out tonight getting “turnt up”, partying, chilling or socializing with others. To my social butterflies, my party people and dope, cool peeps I say have fun responsibly.  Remember there are 51 more weekends in 2015. 

Yours truly will be home crawling the internet looking for funny pictures and videos, binge watching ancient aliens (O_0) and lurking social media websites. Yes I said it, I am a social media lurker. On most days I pop in once or twice  to see what’s happening and like a ninja I exit without leaving a foot print or evidence. Every now and then I update my profile picture, post  news or current affairs articles, “like” status updates and pictures here and there and there and most of all wish my loved ones a happy birthday.  

When I first got on facebook eight years, I was far from a facebook ninja in fact, I was an addicted facebook drill sergeant- loud, brash, in your face and constantly on your timeline like white on rice. Over the years I have moved from being a facebook drill sergeant to deactivating my account for long periods of time and to my present ninja status.   I have seen a lot of shenanigans on the streets of facebook during this time, some of which I have listed below. I am personally guilty of some of these at one point or the other.

Disclaimer: The following are the thoughts and opinions of Lady B, a professional people watcher and a semi professional facebook lurker.  They come in good faith and are not personal attacks on anyone, all the names used are fictional. Shoot not the messenger!

Facebook Diary

 In many people’s mind facebook is a digital diary where they can let out every single  personal activity, event, thought and feelings regardless of whether other people need to know this or not.     Fatu:  Eating foo and okra soup with my hands… Yum.  Yabome: will go underwear shopping for her booski tomorrow. Abu: I just shaved and showered, I am  feeling so fresh and so clean. To you all I say sometimes less is more and besides we don’t need to know your every single and personal move. An actual diary will work better. Folks who keep updating their status every 30 minutes.   We  your unsolicited facebook audience acknowledge your presence and the fact  you live an exciting life. There is no need to fill our timelines with your day's activity.  I recommend a reality TV show, that way you get paid for over sharing your awesome self with the public. On a serious note, this is not a safe habit, there are lots of bad and sketchy people out their  lurking social media sites looking for preys. You arm them with critical information when you post every minute detail about yourself  on social media ( says the criminal minds TV show buff).

Vague Cliff hanger status

We have all seen a status on facebook that left us like this (>_<) and had us trying to decipher what the post was about.  Martha: why me?so sadL  Joshua: Excited about it! , James: is really, really pissed! You see, people post cliff hanger status to get exactly that response. They what you to ask. Sometimes they are really going through a tough time and are finding it hard to open up people. To these I give a season pass and a hug. It can be hard reaching out to people sometimes. I understand my darlings, I sincerely understand.  There are those who are just seeking some good old attention and who looking for a willing ear to listen to them, but  want to remain cool and not be too obvious about it. If cliff hanger status works for you I say ride on cow boys and girls. Then there are the “attention seeking mystics” who want your attention and what you to  the ask questions but when you do they will reply with “it is personal” “don’t want to talk about it” or “nothing”. Why, then  did you put it on a public forum, my great mysterious one?

Bragging Rights

I am not even going to deny the fact that I go to facebook to admire the amazing lives of others.  There is never a shortage of people bragging showing off sharing pictures of their beautiful expensive possessions, their amazing significant others and family, their sexy bodies, impeccable fashion sense great career, picturesque vacations and let’s not forget the yummy food pictures.   Sometimes these people inspire me to work harder and be better, for which I greatly  appreciate them.  So don’t say I am a hater (besides calling someone a hater is so 2013/2014 J ) Other times it is plain right obnoxious. Mercy: Off to another vacation, living the jet style life. Don’t know how people stay in the same place for more than a month. 

Paul: Nothing but designer labels for me, cheap people wear cheap things. (can you both please have pity on us poor struggling folks? You don’t have to rub it in). Next are my personal favorites the humble braggers, you see people in this group brag but try to do it subtly. 

Tenneh: It is funny how people keep telling me I have a beautiful smile. Sorie: My boss can’t stop talking about  how good my presentation was. Well done Tenneh and Sorie, nicely played. No one will say you are rubbing your awesomeness in their face.

Political Rants

My Salone people take the gold metal when it comes to senseless political rants on facebook. These are far from political debates, they usually entail goons  people from different political parties cussing each other and saying the most demeaning and outlandish things about the various flag bearers or presidential aspirants. ( ay bo aunty and uncle una behave una sef no, una too  old for dem kin tin ya). The worst part is that most of these alliances are based on kinship, tribe, region or political parties regardless of the qualifications of individuals. Seriously with everything that is currently going on in Sierra Leone, I believe it is high time we as a nation and people start being critical and civil when it comes to politics and choosing a leader. Bad leaders make bad decisions that affect the whole country.  Plan and simple!  Less mami cuss, more critical thinking and civil political dialogue on my timeline in 2015 will be wonderful.

 Facebook Names

 In 2015, and it will be nice if grown folks stop using  ridiculous names on facebook.  I am amazed by people who add silly creative middle names like Adama Flychickwithanicebooty Sesay or Lamin Salonebestrappertakingover Koroma. We can do better people, let’s leave this trend in 2014. There are some who change their names from their cultural or Salone names they have been called their whole lives to something more in vogue. I am talking about Alimatu who now goes by Ally or Sandy who used to be Santigie. While I am not judging you for this, just remember that a lot of people don’t know anyone by the name of Ally or Sandy with a Sierra Leonean last name and therefore might not respond to your friend requests. The innovation of  people who change their names every week makes me wish I was more creative and not so boring. From Christina Bangura to Chris Bangs to Tina Bangura to Cee Bee. How are we supposed to keep track of all these names oh constant evolving one?

Game invites

Imagine posting your super awesome picture, which you expect your facebook crush to acknowledge with a like and comment. Bam! You get a notification, you are thinking he or she has seen your picture and responded. You check it out, it is an annoying game request notification (-_-). Yes, it makes me mad. I have never played any of these facebook games but I still get these invites at least once a day. Stop sending me these ridiculous requests, I am not interested in playing candy crush, neither candy crush saga nor candy crush soda saga. I don’t need any form of candy at this time, when I need to crush candies, I will go to a dollar store buy some candies and crush it in my kitchen. I am also not interested in being a farmer so stop with the Farmville, big farm and farm hero saga requests. When farming becomes an interest of mine, I will travel to my village in Kailahun district and indulge myself. Till then please and no thank you with regards to game invites.

Part one ends here. Watch out for part two which covers the following.

1.   Comment Diplomacy
2.     Picture Overload (Selfie Mania)
3.   Relationship status Ping Pong
4.  Hash Tag crisis
5.  Shade throwers
6. Facebook Certified Conspiracy theorist
7.   PDA offenders
8. Facebook  Gurus

 Till then, feel free to share your favorite or least  favorite social media shenanigans. No hating  and no bashing it is all humor, love and realness as told by Baindu.

Tata for now

 Lady B